Next step is obvious, we called parents to share the news. I tried to make it sound enthusiastic but I am sure it did not come out that way. I was terrified. I cried calling my mother. She was already at work but she assured me she would head right over with my step father Chris and told me she would call my father and let him know what was happening. She agreed I should calm down and be proud and excited about the girls arrival but all I was feeling was defeat. Now please bear in mind I had already accepted the c-section. Since the day we found out it was twins I knew I would most likely not get the option to deliver vaginally. So the defeat came from the betrayal I felt from my body. Why couldnt I be pregnant longer? Why was my body unable to give the girls the one thing they needed; time?
Down through the IV goes another round of Mag. but this time I feel unaffected by it. Then surgical prep which if I’m being honest screw catheters cause those suck. I was wheeled away around 9:30am. Matt followed me the whole way to the O.R. then was told to wait and he would be brought back when it was time.
Logically I know for germs and bacterial risks why he had to wait but it would have been nice to have him hold my hand during this process. The nurse helped me up to the surgical bed/table. Anesthesiologist came in, very nice woman explained that process. I was so nervous though my feet started to feel cold and numb. I asked if that was normal, they just said it’s fine and to try to relax. This anesthesiologist deserves 5 stars on her Yelp cause I didn’t feel a thing for this spinal block. Which I was pretty happy about. However I do remember being so nervous I was frozen still when she did her thing. Terrified if I moved at all I would be paralyzed forever or something. Which is a valid fear. When she finished they had me sit for a minute then asked me to lay down. My dumb self was like but this doctor is’nt finished making me numb.. Then the anesthesiologist peaked out from behind some IV poles across the room and was like I have been done for a few minutes now.. Ohhh. Alright. So I lay down and the sheet goes up. Which I know nobody wants to watch their insides get mangled around outside their body but this sheet was stopping me from seeing my girls come out and I would give anything at this point in time to see them and know they were okay.
Matt comes in FINALLY and I’m strapped down at the wrists and can’t feel anything chest down. He was smiling so proud already. He sat down on a chair next to me so our eyes were level. They began to carve me open like thanksgiving turkey and the only way I know is because they did the check in question, “How you doing Jordyn, you okay?” The universal question to anyone who has probably already finished the first slice and dice. The anesthesiologist talked to us and asked Matt if he was gonna take pictures when they came out. Both of us were confused since EVERY dad EVER had told Matt to NEVER look over the sheet. I guess she took our flabbergasted faces as a yes and told him, “When I say so stand up and take some pictures. He nodded and we just awaited her signal.
Finally she says “Ready?” Matts phone in hand camera up and set. “Go!” she exclaims. He takes a few shots and I just listen. Praying so hard I can hear something. Then it happens the most beautiful cry. It surely didn’t sound happy but I didn’t care, she was okay and took her first breath. So I cried as well, happy tears. Then we waited again only five minutes but I remember hearing, “Whoaaaa she’s a slippery one. Alright I got her.” Matts given the go to stand back up and out is my second baby girl. But it’s quiet… I’m waiting and waiting for what feels like a while. But only 30 seconds in real time before I hear a small tiny whine. I released the breath I didn’t know I was holding. She didn’t cry but she was able to make some noise and that’s all I needed to know she was okay. I cried again with those happy tears.
April 10th 2019
Lucy Marie was born at 10:50am
Jocelyn Rose was born at 10:55am
Both weighing in a 2lbs and 10oz
They began to put me back together and due to the nature of urgency I never got to see my girls come over the sheet. Matt was able to peak in and see them in the beginning stages of NICU while I had to wait until I was back in my room.
Once I got there I was on restrictions of laying down for a few hours. They wheeled in each girl one by one before they made their way over to the NICU floor. It was confusing and hard to see them so small and hooked up already to so many things. Not being able to hold them. My family had made it up and to my room and was able to share in seeing them for the first time. We were greeted with so many congratulations and hugs.
When I was finally able to see the girls we talked briefly to nurses and doctors about what our current situations were looking like. None of which seemed emergent at the moment all of Jocelyn’s heart stuff was being monitored and over all for being so early they were both doing fairly well. They did end up having to give Jocelyn a breathing tube. At the time we didn’t know why but now we know her PGE’s for her heart had side effects including respiratory depression. We were not able to hold them right away.
Now let’s talk about recovery and for those that have had c-sections before please don’t hate me cause I was hardly in any pain. Walking was probably the worst on day two but mostly because I hated the feeling of my skin stretching around the stitches. I was so worried I would rip one out or something. Thankfully I didn’t as nurses and doctors checked on the healing of the incision a few times a day. Most nurses asked me who did my c-section. When I told them their response was always the same, “Yeah that makes sense it looks really good and this doctor does the best stitch work.” At the time I could have cared less but honestly this woman also deserves 5 stars cause my scar/stomach looks so freaking good. I took one pain pill on the first night to help me sleep. Back was still hurting from previously being pregnant. But other than that it really wasn’t bad nothing more than I would assume giving birth vaginally would have felt like. But hey what do i know right?
In honor of NICU Support and Awareness month I will be posting the hardest story I have about our time in the NICU. Those doctors, nurses, social workers, respiratory therapists, anyone really who works in the NICU, thank you all everyday for your amazing work. You are all stellar people inside and out and I applaud you all everyday for the work you do. If it wasn’t for all of you my girls wouldn’t be here. So thank you!
Following My Hearts 