At 25 weeks and some change I went in for a routine visit at CHOP. The more images of Jocelyn and both girls they could obtain the more accurately they would be able to help her once she’s born. A few weeks prior I Began receiving cervix checks because Ii had begun to dilate too early. For those in the medical or OB GYN field, no I was told I could not receive a cerclage (stitching of the cervix closed) when carrying twins since it can increase the chance of preterm labor, something it is meant to prevent. A huge fear of mine was being put on hospital bed rest, mostly because my mother had to go through it her last two pregnancies and it was a tough time for her certainly, but also for us. I feared the girls needing long NICU stays or any long term effects caused by prematurity. But if you know me personally you know life doesn’t ever seem to go the way you planned. CHOP does their routine ultrasound and we meet with the cardiologist again to review Jocelyn’s case. However before we could even make it to the room they ultrasound my cervix and I’m two centimeters dilated. TWO… So it turned into a direct admit. I was lucky enough to get my own room and they strap me in, literally. I have two fetal heart monitors on me plus something they use to monitor contractions. I’m going through the whole hospital admit process and waiting on phleb to come get lab work. They hook me up with a sweet IV. Most painful one I have ever had in my life I might add and start pushing fluids in case I’m dehydrated. 

“Any medications you take daily?”

 “Just my prenatals and progesterone.” 

“Do you have your insurance card?” 

“Yeah, Matt can you-” 

Nurse Tanya interrupts, sweet woman by the way, “Do you feel that?” 

“Feel what?” 

She doesn’t answer, so I finish asking Matt for the insurance card to give to an admission lady. He fishes in my wallet for the ID card eyes locked on nurse Tanya then gives the admission lady the insurance card for her to type in our information.  Silence for a moment.

Tanya asks again, “Do you feel that?”

“No? Feel what?”

She takes a deep breath… you’re having pretty strong contractions every five minutes or so.

“Ohhh, uhhh no I can’t feel that..”

She then tells me to hold tight so she can grab the doctor for us to meet. That if I need anything, even to use the bathroom, to use the call bell.  

Doctor comes in, introduces herself and continues to give me her plan.

We try fluids to see if contractions slow down if not we move to try medications.

Because I’m considered in active labor, bed rest here, continual monitoring and no food.

THE HELL?! No food?! I’m pregnant that’s all I do..

She tells me I may have clear liquids only. Popsicles and chicken broth are not a meal.. And if I’m not contracting tomorrow I may eat again.

Lucky contractions were able to be slowed down with fluids. But I had belts strapped to me all night long and a constant trail of nurses trying to get these wiggle worms of babies back on the monitor.

After about 24 hours I was finally able to eat again. Monitoring was able to be backed off to a couple hours a day. To play things safe I started blood thinning doses twice a day, right to the abdomen…that burned everytime and left unbelievable bruises to match my arms. I was also lucky enough to get steroid shots to help develop the girls lungs right to the butt cheeks. I was still confined to the room. The bed. With basic cable. And limited resources to the outside world.

Matt was back and forth between work and bringing things for me. I cried everyday. Somedays scared. Others homesick. Most wishing Matt was able to stay with me the whole time. I had nurses come in to comfort me or just sit and talk about anything to distract me.

I found out later before Matt would have to leave he would come to the nurses station and tell someone so they could come check on me to make sure I was okay. 

About a week in, 26 weeks, they talked about me going home which most people would jump on but I was scared, terrified really, because what would happen if I went back into labor and didn’t know? Would we make it back to CHOP in time. Things were risky enough and I wasn’t ready to risk anymore. After talking to the doctors a few times we agreed to let me stay a couple more days while they watched.. 

Well I started contracting again, shocker, and we tried more fluid and it worked but the damn IV was bad so here goes another stick plus more blood work. Thankfully it slowed down but not completely I would randomly contract and have no idea..

Luckily I was able to convince them to let me see the sun and I was allowed to have a short hour off the floor to eat lunch or dinner with Matt. But I had to stay in the wheelchair. Nothing like being a grown ass adult in the wheelchair at a children’s hospital… I felt so out of place. And even in a childrens hospital people have no concerns staring..

After another week down, 27 weeks, to delicately put it I started bleeding. Which led to more ultrasounds to make sure the girls were okay but they couldn’t find the source. They checked my cervix and it was now at 3cm. Not great news but not the worst news either. 

They decided to have the NICU consult team come visit me. Wasn’t my favorite conversation. So much so I called Matt crying after that conversation, he calmed me down and told me “Everything was going to be okay.” At 26 weeks 25% of survival, but unsure of Jocelyn’s chances at all. At 28 weeks 50%, still unsure but certainly less of a chance for jocelyn. Goal was to make it to 30 weeks, then 32 then 34. Chances of survival with minimal complications related to prematurity. 

After about a week and a half stay in the hospital things started to get worse, contractions started back up again, this time fluid and rest isn’t slowing them down. Here goes talks with the doctor. She checked my cervix again 4cm now. Fantastic. So I agree to try a Magnesium bolus. So no food again.  IV is bad again so another stick. Magnesium is used as a muscle relaxer. Since the uterus is an enormous muscle the idea is that it will inhibit the contractions. That also means it weakens every other muscle in your body. Oddly enough also helps premature babies from having major brain bleeds after birth. Win win right! Well like anyone who has ever had to have it you know. It’s freaking awful. It doesn’t feel great going in kind stings for the first few minutes. Then out of nowhere you feel unbearably hot and sweaty coupled with some loopiness, along with your whole body just feeling like a huge bowl of Jell-o. The whole bolus was no more than 1hr but the side effects lasted well into the night. Matt said I was acting sort of like a tired drunk. Asking and saying just some silly things that made no sense. But that worked! Stayed steady at 4cm dilated and bleeding slowed down significantly so no more contractions were showing up on the monitor. For now. And I get to eat!

However two days later it started back up slowly and by the third day they decided now we try Indomethacin. Another drug that helps we can do 72 hours to see if it helps and it also did. And another shot to the buttocks of steroids. I’m holding onto strings at this point. Something will just stop it and hold off the labor process long enough for me to hit my 30 week goal. But like everything else once it wore off, contractions started slow again but still there. 

They decided to move my room closer to the nurses station, it’s like they knew… So we tried magnesium bolus again. This time wasn’t as bad, maybe I was used to it, maybe I just was willing to put up with anything to make my goal. I’m 28 weeks and a few days now and less than two left to go.

Checked cervix again after 4cm, maybe 5cm but still within the threshold to wait. Sleeping at this point is a chore that i’m not very good at. Bleeding started again. Got up. Went to the bathroom. Then went right to the door to get a nurse and let her know. Doctor comes in at 5:30am to check the cervix. Still 4cm to 5cm. Sweet! She tells me to try and get more sleep. Matt was staying the night and sleeping on the world’s worst couch bed. In and out of sleep as well. I’m sure my constant need to get up and pee wasn’t conducive for good sleep. 

7am rolls around and I have just given up on sleeping and I’m preparing to order breakfast. Doctor walks in again and asks me how I’m doing. I’m sure I answered with something sarcastic probably along the lines of, “Ohh ya know just fat, hungry, and keeping my legs crossed.” She flashed me a smile and said she wanted to check my cervix. Uhh alright I guess. Usually I have an idea why but this time felt out of the blue and she didn’t give me much of a reason. She checks…

“Ohh boy..”

“What?” 

“You can put your legs down, you’re at 6cm and it’s go time. I’ll get everything together except surgical start time for 10:30am. We are having babies today.”

Matt shoots up like a Halloween prop at a haunted house, “What?! What did you say?! 6cm? Are you sure?” 

She just smiles, “Yes I’m sure. Your nurse will be in shortly for prep but I am going to order you another magnesium bolus.”

I’m just in tears. What about the girls, what about Jocelyn?! What’s wrong with me? Why couldn’t I do this? Just running the low numbers the NICU gave me over and over again in my head..

Matt cried with me for a minute then looked at me sternly. “I know you’re scared I am too, but I am not going to let this ruin the happiest day of our lives, getting to meet our girls.”